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Are you questioning the validity of chemistry
and it's value to your next potential relationship?
Do you believe that you cannot have a successful
long term, physical/sexual/emotional relationship with a
person with whom you have NO chemistry?
Well a lot of us are asking these questions, and we want
to know what it is about this dynamic that is so
incredibly powerful and important to our achieving what
we wish to achieve, with our personal ads that might
attract the love of our life!
As we all know, you have to kiss a lot of frogs
before you finally find your prince(ss) especially
with online dating as your ticket to the vast and never
ending supply of opportunities. Online dating makes this
abundantly clear, as we pick through the personal ads,
trying our best to weed out what options are available
to us from this venue.
But one of the things that make many successful in their
abilities to reach out and grab someone to actually take
the action to respond, is chemistry. While you might
feel a strong synergy while reading the words the person
has written, the bottom line to knowing if you are
romantically cohesive all boils down to meeting face to
face, and experiencing the energetic attraction you have
or not.
We usually know within seconds of meeting
someone, if we are romantically and/or sexually
attracted.
Personally, I can't be romantically involved with
someone with whom my energy is not in sync The initial
person-to-person contact is what generates this
chemistry (no matter what has transpired beforehand) and
is what propels us to or repels us from wanting to share
more time with this person, to see if
we might have what it takes to progress into some sort
of romance.
It doesn't seem to matter that they meet all the
criteria
we set out to find, if we don't have that magical
connection. How many times have you heard, "We just
don't have any chemistry." Often, it only works one way,
where the man is attracted but the woman is not or vice
versa. What is it about chemistry that is so illusive?
And, we all know, it has nothing whatsoever to do with
good looks, material well-being, or many of the other
things that we state in our ads that are minimum
requirements to attract Mr. or Ms. Right!
We each have a certain "look" that we are naturally
attracted to; certain race(s), age group(s), body
size(s) or hair color(s). Many times if the person does
not fall within these perimeters, it simply doesn't
matter how wonderful they are, how rich they are, how
talented they are, or what size appendages they have. If
they don't pass the acid test of chemical attraction,
they are rejected altogether.
And there are so many other factors involved that
could make or break the deal. What if he wears an
aftershave or cologne that reminds you of someone in the
past that you were hurt by, or what if she has an
obnoxious laugh that embarrasses you, or what if they
have a nervous twitch or looks at every backside that
meanders by? All of these things can be a factor, when
we determine our basic attraction. There is no one thing
that we can pinpoint when we have made our
determination.
But for me, going with my initial gut instinct is
usually the winning result.
So what do you do if you find a person who, for all
intents and purposes, matches all of your criteria,
but you don't feel the chemistry with? Well, I don't
think there is anything you can do except move on to the
next. If you don't find someone who triggers that brain
chemical in you that makes you feel "special" when you
think of them, or are with them, what is the point?
I think that, in the long run, your initial instincts
about this person not being a match, was the best gift
the universe could give you. So if someone has rejected
you because of lack of chemistry, thank the gods for
this, because it's a clue that they weren't meant for
you!
Too many times we create in our minds, a scenario of
perfection before we even meet face to face.
Chatting online, perhaps on the phone, or seeing them on
a web cam helps to bring things into perspective but as
I have mentioned in my other articles, this "nebulous
zone" as I have called it, gets us into serious trouble,
not to mention the pain caused to the other person when
after meeting, there is no chemistry, and
we have to back peddle, lie or otherwise get out of what
we thought was going to be a torrid romance.
We must offer a disclaimer saying that our meeting in
person is to be the determining factor, so that we offer
an "out," in case the chemistry just isn't conducive.
The flip side of this chemistry thing is also an
enigma to me.
Just because you find someone with chemistry, does
not mean that you two can live out a long-term
relationship in harmony and bliss! Those people on the
personal ads sites who have experienced one or more
failed relationships, and are hopefully seeking their
last
hurrah, are well aware of this "chemistry" dynamic.
You know that for sure and for certain you had
wonderful chemistry with each and every person you
have given your heart to in the past, but now you might
be wondering how important having chemistry actually is.
How long into the relationship does the chemistry factor
remain criteria for maintaining the romance?
I offer a solution to this query. I think chemistry is
indeed a gauge for our psyches to give us the signal we
need, in our hearts, to go forward with this person if
all the other criteria comes close to being met, as we
need it to do. I don't think that we can have a
heart-connected romance
with a person with whom we have no chemistry. I
don't think we can allow ourselves to get emotionally
involved with someone who is not energetically
symbiotic. Whereas we can engage in non-emotional
physical sexual relationships without chemistry
involved, I think emotional sex requires chemistry.
I further suggest that, once we have made the choice
to love the person, we can embellish this.
The brain produces chemicals, which have a lot of
clinical names, but mean that we "feel" a certain way
when something happens to us. When you are attuned to
another person's energy chemically, your brain emits a
chemical like serotonin, which boosts your feeling of
well being. When you find someone who can
produce this feeling in you, you positively glow with
joy.
If you can see chemistry as a gauge to help you
determine whether to give your heart, and then maintain
awareness of it as you gasp in delight when you think
about your chosen one, realizing that it brings a smile
to your face, and a stirring in your groin, you will
appreciate the power and necessity of chemistry as being
a very valuable dynamic to determining and maintaining
the success of your romantic well being.
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